My husband went through a custody dispute 5 years ago and we had no idea where to begin researching information on custody agreements, disputes, issues, etc. We had an attorney, but unfortunately, she wasn't much help. She was a $150 an hour middleman. We did the leg work for her and she transferred our thoughts to her secretary, who typed everything up and charged us $65 for paper. I wish I was an attorney.
This is where we turned when we needed information:
S.P.A.R.C. - Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
Everything you ever wanted to know about child custody issues can be found on this website. And I really like the fact that S.P.A.R.C.'s goals include assisting fathers in the custody dispute, although their primary goal is to ensure children of divorce have access to both parents.
But if you've ever dealt with the family courts, I can almost guarantee that if you are a father, you are still seen as secondary. I have seen it firsthand in the case of my husband, even though he was the primary caregiver of my stepson since he was an infant.
Even if the mother has proven emotional and psychological issues that affect her child or children, the majority of family courts still think the mother should have the right to see the child or children as much as possible. Makes sense, right?
I could go on and on, but if you read no other site, please take a look at S.P.A.R.C.
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3 comments:
In my experience, family courts try to assume the best about both parents and give both of them as much leeway as possible. Where I live things are skewed somewhat, actually, to the father (perhaps in an effort to overcorrect?). Courts really have to see something very very compelling before denying access to the children, and there's little the other parent can do about it.
Karen - Thanks for commenting! In our area, it seems like judges will give the mothers much more leeway than fathers when it comes to any issues that may negatively affect the children. For example, the guardian ad litem in my husband's custody case documented the fact that my stepson and his mother slept in bed together each night (and she was married at the time!) and that she took baths and showers with him...at the age of 5. The GAL's only comment about it was that it was of "concern" to her...nothing more. I can only imagine if a father and his daughter (or even son) were in the same situation! But I agree, courts do have to have VERY compelling evidence before denying access and even then, the parent will usually get at least supervised visitation.
The county where my husband's court order is at is actually so mom-biased, we were told we didn't have a "chance in hell" (really...they used those words to me at the enforcement office) of getting shared custody unless bm agreed to it. They also won't investigate emotional/verbal abuse/neglect. If they can't "see" it, it doesn't exist and bm is queen. Fast forward years later to now and we have a sd who talks about suicide and an ss who can't behave unless he's drugged up and has been so violent, he's not been allowed near his younger siblings in a couple of years. His own dr. was warning me he'd hurt or abuse my kids! Way to go bm! You sure know how to raise 'em. Way to go family court for leaving two innocent kids with a hostile, bitter hag.
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