I am here

Yes, it's been months. Many months. I have put off writing anything in this blog. Some days I think about it, but then I end up doing something else.

How is everyone doing?

Life is just as busy as it was months ago. I have experienced some drama lately from Mommy Dearest.

She is single and desperate right now. So desperate, in fact, that she has begun to tell my stepson how I am not his mom and that a woman can only be considered a child's "mom" if she gave birth to them. And she said women who adopt kids can also be considered a "mom". No one else can be considered a mom.

And it's kind of funny because she has another son who is 12 years old and was raised by her parents. She never told anyone she had a son. She said he was her brother.

Then magically he started living with her about 3 years ago. And he still calls her by her first name and calls her own mother "Mom". And Mommy Dearest doesn't say anything about it. It obviously doesn't fit her definition of a "mom", but who the hell cares?? It fits her definition because she says it does.

Even my stepson mentioned this to us. He doesn't understand why she yells at him for considering me a mom, when his newfound brother calls her by her first name and she doesn't say a word about it. And my stepson still calls her Mom.

And you're probably saying, "What's the issue? You aren't his mom. You're just his STEPmom."

Yes, I am. The issue is that my stepson voluntarily started calling me Mom at about the time I stopped writing on this blog.

My husband and I have never once told him to call me Mom. For the longest time, he called me by my name. Then one day, he started calling me Mom. Almost like he was trying it on for size.

I could tell that he was looking for a reaction from me. I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I also didn't want to tell him not to call me that because I thought it might make him feel bad.

He obviously felt comfortable enough to call me Mom, so how would that make him feel if I said, "I don't think you should call me Mom"? It would be as if I was discounting his feelings. As if I was telling him that didn't feel motherly towards him, so he shouldn't call me that.

Does the title matter?

I think a "mom" is anyone who takes care of a child and does everything for them. They put the child before themselves. From the most mundane thing, such as cutting fingernails, to the most exciting things, such as helping them get ready for their first date.

A mom is someone you count on, no matter what. They will always be there for you and will do anything for you. They teach you right from wrong and how to be a great person.

They yell at you when you do something wrong, yet kiss you when they are done yelling.

Based on my definition of a "mom", I am 100% his mom and have been for the past 8 years. And what is she? A caregiver.

As harsh as that sounds, that is her role. She watches him or has someone else watch him on her weekends. She feeds him when she feels like it and doesn't get him necessities, such as clothes or a bed. She simply watches him on the weekend so she can make herself feel like she is a "mom".

And the sad part is, that as upset as she is by the fact that he considers me his other mom, she hasn't tried any harder to be a better mom.

Does she call him during the week just to say "hi"? No.

Does she spend one-on-one time with him on her weekends? No.

Does she try to contact his teacher and try to get to know her and find out how he is doing in school? No.

I am sure some people won't agree with me, but I know in my heart that I am a mom. I never need to reassure myself or have others reassure me of my role.